It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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