i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize