nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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