You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
