so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
