My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
