Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Houston, we have a squirter
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
