Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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