Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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