are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
