i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
