I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
