Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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