I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
