i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
