hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
