we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize