My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
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