you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
