We won't sleep together?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
