He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
