glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
