I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
