Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
