I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize