Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
