Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
