No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
i think i just lost a toe
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
