Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
