ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
