You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
