I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
