Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
