How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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