shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
