kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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