nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
