How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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