I love black thongs
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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