i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize