For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
should my penis look like a turkey
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
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