i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
