If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
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