she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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