So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
