Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
