My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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