Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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