Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Randomize
