do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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