Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Sorry my hands just texted you
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Sorry about my life...
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
