based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
