Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
