fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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