you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
