i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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