you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
