We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Is it penis luge time yet?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
