She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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