dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
