I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize