After last night, I could never be a politician.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
