Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Randomize
