he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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