I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
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