im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
