The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
