I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
