Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
