DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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