dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
