i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Randomize
