I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Randomize
