kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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