Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
