Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize