stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
