Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
