Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
