I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
