It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
