and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
