let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
