my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize