I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize