Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
