Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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