guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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