he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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